Mormon leaders teach
In 1996 the associated press had an article in the newspaper saying, "Mormon Church President Gordon Hinckley said that although women are forbidden the faith's priesthood, they still can contribute by 'working hand in hand with the priesthood.'"
"Hinckley also reiterated that where possible, mothers should forego full-time jobs in favor of raising their children at home."
"'It is well-nigh impossible to be a full-time homemaker and a full-time employee,' Hinckley said in a sermon directed to the women of the 9.6 million-member Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."
Hinckley said that even though women do not hold leadership positions over men "I know of no other organization in all the world which affords women so many opportunities for development, for sociality, for the accomplishment of great good, for holding positions of leadership and responsibility."
"Mormon women have their own auxiliary, the Relief Society, and also can serve in leadership roles in programs for children and young women. But only men can serve as bishops of local congregations, for example, or in the all-male hierarchy of the church."
"'It was the Lord who designated that men in his church should hold the priesthood,' said Hinckley .... In a '60 Minutes' interview, Hinckley said only men hold the Mormon priesthood 'because God stated that it should be so. That was the revelation to the church.'"
He is correct. It is God's will that only men lead other men. As usual there is Cain fighting against what is true. The article quotes a woman who has been excommunicated by the church for writing feminist criticisms of patriarchy: "Lavina Fielding Anderson pointed out that no revelation specifically excluding women from the priesthood has ever been published or announced. I think what we have here is a case of interpretive drift. Doctrine is being invented to bolster a tradition."
The newspaper article goes on to say, "The priesthood ban against women has been criticized for years by a small minority of Mormon women. Some have been excommunicated or otherwise disciplined for raising the issue publicly.".
Hinckley is quoted as saying that he understands that many women have to work for economic reasons, but he says they should not work just to have "an elaborate home, fancy cars and other luxuries." The Andelins say the same thing. To me, the only way to solve the problem that some women have to work for economic reasons is to solve the spiritual problem of not living in a trinity and trinities living in a community together.
The argument of feminists in the Mormon and Catholic church that there is no written statement against women leading men is ridiculous. Both religions believe in the Bible and it clearly states the case for patriarchy.
The Mormons have a statement of their belief of how people
should order their families. The following is some thoughts they have
on the traditional family:
The Proclamation on the Family states:
"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families."
Wives have a responsibility to follow their husband's counsel and instructions. It should be mentioned that they have a responsibility to follow their own husband's counsel, the husband they personally chose and selected, and not anyone else. No other man, whether he holds the priesthood or not, has any authority over them (e.g., congregation leaders only issue callings to women with the approval of their husbands). However, a husband's authority is only valid if it is consistent with righteousness and the will of God.
We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion. .... No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile ...... and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever." (D&C 121:34-46, emphasis added)
If a father tries to unrighteously instruct his family, then his authority evaporates and no one should follow him.
Enemies of the Church often state that Latter-day Saint women are "under the thumb" of their husbands. Such descriptions are not only untrue, but offensive to Latter-day Saint men. This condescending attitude also tends to irritate Latter-day Saint women who don't appreciate such disrespect regarding their chosen lifestyles. As noted above, a husband has no power or authority to compel his wife to do anything. Yes, he presides, but only as long as it is accordance with her wishes. If a wife chooses not to follow her husband's counsel, then there is absolutely nothing he can do about it. A Husband only governs a wife as far as she chooses to be governed.
Finally, since these issues are utterly foreign in faithful LDS families, it seems a little bizarre that we are talking about them in the first place. In homes where the gospel is taught and followed, you will find a greater degree of happiness and satisfaction in family life than you will anywhere else. Latter-day Saints simply have a program that works.
While individual families may be repressive and dysfunctional, most Latter-day Saints believe that the defect is not inherent in the structure. Indeed, the family is viewed as the source of both men's and women's greatest work and joy, not only on earth but also in eternity.
We hear so much about emancipation, independence, sexual liberation, birth control, abortion, and other insidious propaganda belittling the role of motherhood, all of which is Satan's way of destroying woman, the home, and the family--the basic unit of society.
The common thinking of today is that men and women are not different. There is a push for androgyny. Dr. Alvin Poussaint in his Introduction to Bill Cosby's book Fatherhood says, "Men have been struggling with the unfamiliar demands and challenges of this new model of fatherhood. Many have modified their behaviors to some degree in order to adapt more comfortably to changing social and family patterns. In the process of this change, many fathers have seen new possibilities for their own fulfillment by taking a greater part in child-rearing responsibilities. A new movement has been spawned that has been pushing American men and women closer to the acceptance of androgynous fatherhood -- men who take a significant share of nurturing responsibilities for children and the home, tasks that were previously assigned exclusively to women." The Andelins effectively explain how damaging it is to blur the sexes.
Advocates of androgyny think they are restoring "balance" to parenting roles but are in reality unbalancing the family. This confused doctor continues saying that men must "give up old-fashioned ideas about so-called manliness, 'who wears the pants in the family,' and what constitutes 'women's work' as opposed to 'men's work.'" Men, he says, "can be 'primary care givers' and can provide 'mother love.'" He goes on to praise "househusbands." All of this is sad especially since it's placed in a best seller by Cosby and influences many people.
Many books against the traditional family
In a review of She Works/He Works in the New York Times the feminist writer Carol Tavris writes that only "3 percent of all families" fit the traditional pattern of the man as sole breadwinner. She says, "Yet conservatives have ... wailed so noisily about the allegedly catastrophic consequences of change." She says the authors show that the new marriages of today are better. One reason is that because both men and women work, "these couples 'do not feel the gut-wrenching vulnerability' of economic disaster if one partner loses a job." Another reason dual earning families are healthier is "studies repeatedly have found, employed wives are not as depressed and anxious as 1950's homemakers were, nor do their children suffer." Oh, yeah? For those of you reading this who do not like the traditional family then these kind of books will be for you. Liberals see the "new" family as "thriving." I don't. Ms. Tavris continues, "Just as wives aren't the selfish careerists of media stereotype, Ms. Barnett and Ms. Rivers say, neither are husbands 'brutish, uncaring, lazy slobs who are dead set against change.' Today's fathers, they find, are 'not the distant, work-obsessed fathers of the 1950's'; most are closely involved in all aspects of their children's care...Also contrary to stereotype, men's participation in household chores has risen dramatically." Yeah, right.
She ends her article saying that the book brings "good news that 'collaborative couples,' who are now the norm, are healthier and happier than those constrained by the segregation of the past." What is the future? Women aren't going to give up their wonderful jobs: "Women who need and enjoy their jobs aren't going to give them up. People who are unhappily married aren't going to stay together. Teen-agers aren't going to have a mass conversion and choose abstinence until they marry -- if they do marry." Oh, yeah? She ends saying that anyone who teaches differently "is not only delusional but cruel."
Helen Andelin writes, "Now let us turn our attention more fully to one of the most important requirements of man's successful leadership -- your obedience. The first law of Heaven is obedience, and it should be the first law of every home. It is the foundation of an orderly home, a successful family, and the successful lives of the children. The wife is the key. When she sets an example of obedience to her husband, the children follow. It has not only immediate benefits, but far-reaching effects on their entire lives."
"On the other hand, when the wife refuses to obey her husband, she sets a pattern of rebellion for her children to follow. They learn from her that they don't have to obey an instruction if they don't want to .... When such children are turned out into the world they have difficulty obeying the law, or a higher authority, such as leadership on campus or in their work. The problems of rebellious youth can often be traced to homes where the mother disobeyed the father or showed lack of respect for his authority."
"English satirist C. Northcote Parkinson passed judgment on the campus revolution in America in the 1970's, and blamed the whole thing on women. He told a Los Angeles audience that the trouble in American colleges is based on disrespect for authority learned in the home. 'The general movement, I think, begins with the female revolution,' he said. 'Women demanded the vote and equality and ceased to submit to the control of their husbands. In the process they began to lose control of their own children.' Mr. Parkinson said that in his own Victorian childhood, 'Pop's word was law, and Mother's most deadly threat was, 'I shall have to inform your father.' Nowadays, the mother can't appeal to the children in that way because they have denied paternal authority themselves.'"
"On the other hand, women who are strictly obedient to their husbands, showing honor and respect for their authority, set an example of obedience for their children to pattern from. Several years ago I was visiting my daughter in a distant state when our son came from a neighboring university to visit. They visited for some time while I listened in. One point in the conversation caught my attention acutely."
"Paul said to Kristine, 'When we were growing up I would never have thought of disobeying Dad, would you, Kristine?' She said emphatically, 'No, I would never, ever have thought of disobeying Dad!' I broke into the conversation by asking, 'Why would you never have thought of disobeying your father?' Their quick response was, 'You were the key, Mom, because you always obeyed Dad, even when it was very difficult.'"
Women must take criticism from men, not give it
Aubrey Andelin touches on a crucial point in a marriage, but I feel he doesn't explain it forcefully enough and that point is on how a man guides his wife. Helen's book, I am afraid, can also be misinterpreted by women. Dr. Andelin says that a husband should not be "harsh or critical" if his wife makes mistakes. He goes on for several paragraphs explaining how the man should be "patient, forgiving, understanding and sympathetic." Then he says, "When a woman continually makes mistakes which burden others, it becomes her husband's obligation to teach her .... If she is a poor housekeeper or poor cook, perhaps he can encourage her to get instruction. She needs to know how important it is to you to have a well-organized home and meals which are adequate and on time. She must know that a part of the success in her life is to become adept in these skills, and a serious responsibility attaches to it." Isn't this being critical? Isn't this acting like a boss who gives an order? I agree that a man should not be harsh, but he has to be critical. To lead means to give orders and if the leader sees the follower not doing as he wants he must point it out and that is criticism.
The problem is that followers often think they are being attacked instead of being humble and appreciative of receiving a negative view of their performance. How many women are going to hear a husband tell her to take cooking lessons? About as many men who are going to just love the constructive criticism that they should take driving lessons. What woman is going to take an order, no matter how nice he gives it, that she should check out a book on housekeeping so she can learn to be neat and organized? What would be the reaction the average woman will have if a husband tells his wife, "Honey, I really love you and I know how hard you work taking care of the children. Now I don't want you to make a mountain out of molehill and I can't say enough how I am not perfect and that I don't think I'm a better person than you, but I think you could use some help in keeping the house neater. The expert on housecleaning is Don Aslett who has books and a great video on how to clean and organize a house. I would like for you to go the library and check it out. I also think you should study books on Fung-shui that show how to arrange furniture so it spiritual. And there are some good books on diet such as Bodystat that will show you how to feed me better and it will help you lose that extra 50 pounds you have. And I think you should study Helen Andelin's book on raising children, All About Raising Children. She is an expert mother and will show you how to raise our children. Again, I can't say enough of how great you are and that we both have equal value and I am not a perfect person, but I'm the head of the house and this is my direction. Please do this starting tomorrow morning."
What wife in America is going to humbly listen to this or anything a husband has to say? The response in this culture would be the woman immediately attacking the man for being harsh and insensitive and not worthy of giving her one direction because he has not earned it. Women do not see men as vertical to them. Men and women see themselves in a horizontal relationship in which there is constant voting and compromising. They are, in effect, roommates who constantly try to find the middle way.
Let's continue with Dr. Andelin: "If she is habitually late, help her understand how inconsiderate it is to keep others waiting. She may not understand that such a habit is a selfish disregard for the time and comfort of others. Teach her as you would a child, if her fault is a childish one. If she spends money foolishly, she can be taught the principles of economy either by yourself or by special instruction .... If this instruction is given with kindness, free of sarcasm or ridicule, and with an assurance that you don't consider yourself perfect, a woman will usually respond favorably. Otherwise she will resent unexpected criticism, especially when she's tired or busy."
Dr. Andelin has a devout Mormon wife and he leads an exemplary life. Most wives do not believe that their husbands are their guide, boss, leader, or whatever you want to call it. I don't care how a man sugarcoats his directives, he's going to have a fight on his hands and hear what's wrong with him and that he should spend time getting the log out of his eye before he focuses on what he perceives to be a speck in his wife's. And it is a speck compared to the massive problems she thinks she has with her pathetic husband.
Andelin makes no sense when he goes on to say, "In review, we can say that it's never wise to criticize. Express sympathy and be understanding and forgiving. Help her overcome the problems caused by her failure." We don't live in a day and age where the average person respects authority. A tiny percent of the Christian community believes in being humble to leadership. Part of that is understandable because there is so little good leadership from any man. But for women to throw out men and seek leadership makes things worse. At some point somebody has to stop the merry-go-ground and fulfill their role. Helen teaches women to follow their husbands, even if they are wrong. But she weakens her argument by saying they are not to be doormats and have to be treated with respect. She doesn't go into detail and so many women will interpret this as being they will not follow a man until he's almost perfect.
The atmosphere of this world is one of competition between men and women, not harmonious cooperation. U.S. Presidents and Vice Presidents get along better than most marriages. There is more harmony between President Clinton and Vice President Gore than there is between President Clinton and the First Lady. In the first relationship Clinton does not fight and in the second he fights. Hillary doesn't see her position as subordinate to her husbands. She is not his follower. She can talk back.
The only time a woman should not follow a man is when he is physically abusive or grossly immoral. There are very few men who are like this and Helen correctly says the woman should leave the home for her safety, but should also look within herself to see how she had a hand in encouraging him to do such things. In some cases, people, both men and women, are simply insane or possessed. But those are extremely few in number. It takes two to tango. Many women do not understand they have played a part in creating an atmosphere for some men to lose control. Most men and women don't take the time or effort to study marriage and family. If there is a problem, they just resort to drinking, affairs, food, work or some other denial and many just give up and file for divorce. Most marriage counselors don't help because they're trying to figure out their own life and haven't got a clue how to fix themselves or anybody else. Father says not to go to them. Marriage counselors usually end up advocating divorce hoping that they will be lucky in the next marriage. They do not know God's plan. They do not counsel women to obey and men to lead. Men are wimps and women hate them for it. And because so many women had Fathers and other men in their lives who were wimps and far from perfect they will fight any man, no matter how good he is, if he tries to guide them.
Helen says women should be tactful with men and be careful about saying anything that may cause him insecurity. How many women do that? Most men have no interest in leading or striving because the women in their lives have near total contempt for them. Men are a mixture of scary monsters and little boys to women. Helen teaches that obedience from women will inspire men. She has many testimonies to prove it. Her ideology works and the feminists who rule this country have an ideology of so-called equality that does not work. It's a black and white issue. Take your pick. Helen explains, as Father often says, that women must see they are in a vertical relationship. Once women deeply understand and live by this principle then there will be an end to the battle of the sexes. And Helen says women should do this not because it is manipulative, but because it is a principle from God. We are to do things more because it is right, not because of what we will receive -- even though we will receive what we want. The focus is on giving, not receiving. The focus is on chopping the wood and building a fire in the fireplace so your loved ones can be warm on a snowy night instead of focusing on building a fire so you can be warm. As Zig Ziglar says you can have everything in life you want if you will only help others get what they want. Women must understand that they must take criticism so the man can learn leadership. And women must understand that men know better overall what needs to be done, not only outside the house but inside as well. Women must understand that the man is the center of the house, not the woman. She is the vice-president in the home and must teach her children to obey their father by showing in her deeds that she obeys too.
It would be great if men could lead perfectly, but they don't. Women must follow anyway. In the end, the man will find the right way. Women must learn patience. They must stop turning to government and themselves to solve society's problems. They must follow their husband's lead and then all will be well with the family and the nation and the world. Men must understand their role and never give up their power. They must not be intimidated by women who criticize not only the directions, orders, commands, suggestions or whatever you call it, but also how the man says it. They should try to be kind but the bottom line is that it doesn't matter how True Father or the average father in the average home says it, women must obey and not smart back. Women must bite their lip when they are criticized if they feel he is being unfair. They should give him a chance to grow in leadership. If he can't get his wife to follow then how much self-esteem can he have in society. First Corinthians 13 teaches us to be patient. It is not the woman's job to correct her husband. God corrects men by speaking to him directly or speaking through other men. This is why marriages are basically doomed to unhappiness because men do not have their souls knitted to other men under the same roof and women do not have other women to talk to and share the burdens together. True Christians have at least found growth stage happiness by living the values taught by everyone from St. Paul to the Andelins. Father is building on that by adding the trinity. Father is not abolishing patriarchy but fulfilling it and deepening it so that women are assured of being protected, provided for and properly led. One husband is not enough. Women need to be in a community of Godly men. That's when marriages and families will be completely happy. That is the completed testament age. The Andelins don't know this, but they do know a lot and we must be humble to them. Someday they will hear about trinity and must humble themselves to Father and his higher vision.
Women have to understand that men have lots of Abels, central figures, and authorities that they must act toward as the wife acts toward the husband. Men have customers to please, church leaders to understand, military commanders to obey, the Messiah to follow, and ultimately God to tune into to and follow. Women say they to have to follow God and the Messiah. But God and the Messiah want women to follow them by following their husband. This is a law of the universe as powerful as gravity. Fight it and you will suffer terribly. America has fought this principle for the social experiment of communism that teaches androgyny. Take a look at our country. It's a mess. There are lots of books by Christian men and women teaching the true order of love. But if you can't read a number of them, at least study the Andelin's.