Final decision maker
In every situation there has to be a final decision maker. If two or more come to a decision spontaneously then all is well. But life is often not situations of unanimous agreement. Father wants us to master human relationships. One of the keys to success in living with others is to work within organizations and deal effectively with hierarchy. C.S. Lewis wisely teaches in Mere Christianity God's way of life that man leads in a marriage by explaining that it cannot be a democracy. There are only two people. He says that when a couple cannot"reach agreement ... they cannot decide by majority vote, for in a council of two there can be no majority...so one of them must have a casting vote." And that he says is the man. Helen Andelin writes, "There is a great effort now to do away with the patriarchy and replace it with equality, in which the husband and wife make decisions by mutual agreement. Although this idea may sound good on the surface, it is impractical and unworkable."
Father says men are always"subject" and the"center"
I have so many quotes of father saying men lead and women follow. You have his speeches, so I'll only give a few: "Man is the center or subject and woman is object. Women must center upon or follow their husbands. As the subject and object relationship is solved it will extend all the way to the nation and to the world." Doesn't sound like following a husband is "insanity" here. Father is saying the same as Christian writers such as Andelin on this topic. He says, "Men are built to be masculine and to take a bold and initiating role. God created women to be feminine and take a passive, objective role so that they can follow men. This was God's plan of creation. So you can easily imagine that Eve was smaller than Adam." Father never says men and women are interchangeable. This reads like what the marriage manuals the Founding Fathers read. A popular one at the time was called The Well-Ordered Family. The Andelins teach the same Godly principles.
Father says women must"restore their original role"
Father constantly blasts American women for being dominating. He says, "the chain of order and command has been completely reversed." He is absolutely against the insane interchanging that goes on in America. "In this country women have a commanding voice at home. In a typical American home the wife is master of the house, while the husband is like a servant; his shoulders are hunched over and he is always checking to see what his wife's mood is. Because of the fall of man the chain of order and command has been completely reversed, and now men follow behind women, particularly with regard to love affairs. Men have become so helpless, and women always take command. ... Now the time has come for women to restore their original role, particularly American women. Nowadays American men just do not want to get married and become slaves of domineering women?" Slaves? This is pretty strong speech. It sounds like he sees a matriarchy. Men may have a lot of position externally, but internally the woman wears the pants.
It is true that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. Larry Christenson in The Christian Family says, "Women can contribute much as teachers of children and of other women. They can pray publicly, but they are not to formulate doctrine or to set themselves up as leaders over men in the church. How much evil has come upon home and church because women have lost the protective shield of a husband's authority. The whole teaching is dismissed as a foolish vaunting of the 'male ego,' a Neanderthal vestige which our enlightened age has happily outgrown. The Bible, however, has no desire to exalt any ego, male or female. The Divine Order set forth for the family serves the elemental purpose of protection, spiritual protection. A husband's authority and a wife's submissiveness to that authority, is a shield of protection against Satan's devices. Satan knows this, and that is why he uses every wile to undermine and break down God's pattern of Divine Order for the family."
Third fallen nature
Understanding these concepts makes the three day ceremony crystal clear. In the Divine Principle we read that "all" the "disorders in the fallen world" originate from the third fallen nature that reversed "the order of dominion." Lucifer was "supposed to be under man's dominion, yet he dominated Eve, reversing the proper order." The purpose of the blessing is to reverse Satan's order. "Eve was supposed to be under Adam's dominion, yet she dominated him." This is why Father talks endlessly about women obeying men. He says men are "bones" and women are "flesh."
Flesh and bone
Father says, "American women are saying, 'We want to be in the bone position. Let the men become the soft flesh.' Today America is suffering from terrible confusion; people don't know which side is up. There is no understanding of right order, subject and object, or who takes initiative and who is responsive. What about you American Unification women, are you different?" They want to interchange with men. Father says, "In America, many women pull the men around behind them and the men just follow timidly. I have never seen so many boneless men as in America -- 'Yes, dear, whatever you say.' ... If you women don't change that trend, there can be nothing but darkness for the future of this country. America will not survive. There must be God's order and sequence, a certain discipline. We must maintain that discipline."
Men enforce laws
America has rejected the traditional family where the husband is like a president and his wife a vice president. She became the president. Eve got impatient with Adam who was playing with horses all the time and decided to take matters in her own hands. American women are just like Eve. They have zero faith in their men. But Godism should be God's laws and laws are supposed to come from men. Why? Because they have to enforce those laws -- sometimes with their lives. Women aren't supposed to be cops, and they are not supposed to be lawmakers either. They are dominating men when they try. Father explains that husbands are supposed to enforce laws. This is the traditional patriarchal role that America has thrown out. Father says, "We know that it is necessary to uphold the laws of a country; likewise, within each family there should be laws which are upheld and enforced by the father. That is one of the father's responsibilities. There is great distance today between this original standard and the reality of today's families."
Back to Patriarchy
Daniel Amneus, a professor at UCLA, writes these profound insights into how good patriarchy brings law and order and peace to society in Back to Patriarchy: "Where are the high crime areas of our society -- and where are there large numbers of families headed by women? The two questions have a single answer; matriarchy and violence are twins. The boy's vice-principal of your local high school, the man responsible for discipline, will tell you that the troublemakers are the boys from fatherless families and that the boys from motherless families are not a problem at all. Boys from fatherless homes frequently fail to learn what it means to be responsible and civilized men. They often grow up lacking self-respect, respect for authority, self-reliance, dignity, and magnanimity, incapable of doing the work of society. Girls from fatherless homes all too frequently produce fatherless families themselves, thus perpetuating matriarchy and violence into the next generation."
"The association between crime and matriarchy is obvious, though the feminist and welfare bureaucrats would prefer that the public didn't notice it, since patriarchal families would mean the demise of feminism and the erosion of the welfare empire. These people would much prefer that the public think crime is the result of poverty -- and that, to eradicate it, taxpayers must dig deeper into their pockets for more money to finance Great Society and Head Start programs and larger AFDC payments, which, of course have the added consequence of enlarging bureaucracies. If crime were caused by poverty, the American-Chinese, who have been up against heavy odds in our society for over a century, ought to have one of the highest crime rates. They don't. They have the lowest crime rate -- and they have patriarchal families. Much the same is true of the Japanese and the Jews -- both groups with low crime and a patriarchal family structure. High crime and delinquency -- and illegitimacy -- come from those areas where there are enormous numbers of families headed by women." Perhaps one of the reasons Japan gains the most members is because it is more patriarchal and therefore more respectful of Father as a patriarch.
True Patriarchy, not false Patriarchy
Patriarchy means leadership. There are a few sadistic leaders like Hitler or the Mafia. Evil men are a tiny percent of men, and they should be jailed. But the vast majority of men, even though they are fallen, should be given leadership in their family. Father's first wife did not respect his position. True Mother has. It has not been easy for Mother to be a follower. But it also has not been easy for Father to be a leader.
UC should humble itself to Helen Andelin
Her faults are minor. She has two silly chapters at the end of her book. The short chapter on sex is ludicrous. But the vast majority of her book is pure truth and clearly written. It is not reactionary or something that is good for only a few people or a step in the right direction or not as high as Completed Testament truth. True Mother lives by these principles as countless millions of women have lived by them in the past. And women in the ideal world will live by these principles. The UC's greatest insight is the concept of living as trinities, but the pattern of traditional roles will never go away. The Kingdom of Heaven is not a leaderless society. There will always be a hierarchy and men will always lead women. Because of the Fall this is extremely hard to grasp. It is more comfortable for Fallen men and women to be rebellious and leave their position. And we have chaos because of it.
No one book by anyone can explain everything. We need to see the great, eternal truths in a number of books that teach traditional values, and we need to write our own. Truth is eternal, and God has revealed some of His truth to those in the past. And if we don't learn from our ancestors, we will waste a lot of time in trying to invent all things new.
How do we get men to study books on marriage?
Men usually don't read books on relationships. It does not come naturally to me. I would rather read about other things. But men should read Aubrey Andelin's Man of Steel and Velvet and humble themselves to the eternal truths he teaches. Unlike his wife's book, his is totally perfect. There isn't one sentence wrong. Brothers should get together like Promise Keepers men do and study, pray and share ideas about how to be better husbands and fathers. Aubrey Andelin's book is the best book ever written for men and completely in line with Father's teachings.
True Patriarchy brings order and happiness
Helen Andelin explains that true patriarchy brings order and happiness: "A home where the father presides is a house of order. There's less argument and contention, more harmony. Taking the lead helps him grow in masculinity. Out of necessity he acquires the traits of firmness, decisiveness, self-confidence and a sense of responsibility. When the wife is removed from leadership duties, she has less worry and concern, can devote herself to her domestic duties and succeed in her career in the home."
"Children who grow up in a home where father's word is law have a natural respect for authority, at school, church, and all areas of society. In a world where men lead we would have less crime and violence, less divorce, and less homosexuality. There would be happier marriages, happier homes, and therefore happier people. If the patriarchy could be lived widely, it would be a world of law and order."
Dr. Andelin writes, "A family is not a democracy, where everyone casts his vote. The family is a theocracy, where the father's word is law. In the home the presiding authority is always vested in the father, and in all home affairs and family matters, no other authority is paramount. This arrangement is not arbitrary or unfair. It's a matter of law and order in the Kingdom of God."
Patriarchy is logical
He says, "There is also a logical reason why the man should lead: Any organization, to have a smooth-running system, must have a leader -- a president, captain, supervisor, director, or chief. This is a matter of law and order. The family, a small group of people, must be organized to avoid chaos. It doesn't matter how large or small the family; even though it be just man and wife, there must be a leader to maintain order."
"But why should the man lead? Why not the woman? Using logic again, a man is by nature and temperament a born leader, who tends to be decisive and have the courage of his convictions. A woman, on the other hand, tends to vacillate. An even more sound reason for the man to lead is that he earns the living. If he must work diligently to provide the living, he needs jurisdiction over his life to do so. Women and children can more easily adapt. The final say rightfully belongs to the breadwinner." If the wife follows well, it is easy for the children to follow the parents and respect authority. First Timothy 3:4-5 says, "He [the father] must have proper authority in his own household, and be able to control and command the respect of his children."
My marriage used to be a roller-coaster of intense love and intense fights. My wife and I could not understand why we could be so madly in love with each other and then have bitter fights. Father said a blessed couple is not supposed to quarrel. They are supposed to be, he says, a "well-oiled machine."
I went to Christian bookstores and read what they said about how to have happy marriages. Many books praised patriarchy. This led me to study marriage in general. And then I found such secular writers as George Gilder and Dr. Brenda Hunter praising the traditional family. I voraciously read everything I could find. I read countless women's magazines. I don't know how many of the Ladies Home Journal's series "Can this marriage be saved" I read. At the same time I read the feminists like Gloria Steinem. The more I read pro-patriarchy books by such women as Phyllis Schlafly and Beverly LaHaye, the more it made sense. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. The women and men who wrote for patriarchy had happy marriages and families, while a lot of the feminists who hated patriarchy were often divorced or never married. The few who were married, like Hillary Clinton, often had fewer children, and of course, I couldn't help notice her husband is in bed with other women, and she is in court over her financial dealings with powerful men she spent time alone with. More and more articles and books were coming out about women giving up careers and going back home. Even a prominent liberal, Deborah Fallows, saw the light. Her husband is the editor of Atlantic Magazine, and she has a Ph.D. and a career in Washington D.C. When they had a child she went out and studied day care. She found it was so horrible she quit her prestigious job to be with her baby full-time. She wrote a book at home telling how bad day care is and it was reviewed favorably, even by the Washington Post.